#5 Ladell Betts
OK now before any stat buffs call me out on how effective of a back up hes been for the injury prone Portis, thats not why I wish he didn't exist. The sole reason I wish the idea of Ladell Betts had never come to be reality comes from a fantasy football stand point. Lets face it Betts has as good a chance of landing a spot on my fantasy roster as Glenn Beck does NOT getting an erection when he sees Sarah Palin in a pant suit. BUT... he's always going to be on somebodie's team, and that person will spend the next 17 weeks telling you why getting Betts off free agency was a fucking steal. Even worse is the fact that you won't be able to reason with them because odds are the person that tactically aquired Betts in what has to be considered the most well thought out fantasy move since that time I started Ricky Williams for the two seasons he didn't play, is not only stupid, but 95% of the time is also your boss. Thats just one of the many reasons office fantasy leagues have SARS, but thats a rant for another time.
#4 Daunte Culpepper
I hate this man. As a Packer fan I had to suffer through what I like to call "Has a couple AMAZING seasons at the exact same time that their divisional rivals do" syndrome. The Pack attack and the Vikes went at it in the early 2000s. In 2004 he threw for 4,717 yards and broke Dan the Man's record of 5,123 combined passing/ rushing yards. He then went on to the playoffs eliminating the Packers in the first round 31-17. So its obvious that Minnesota had found themselve's a franchise QB that would bring them that ever ellusive Super Bowl victory. Then something happened... the Vikings lost to the Eagles in the next round and Culpepper's career hit the mother fucking fan. The first two games of the 05 season really brought out the real Culpepper, throwing for ZERO touchdowns and EIGHT interceptions, not to mention two fumbles. (Side Note: Took him in the first round fantasy wise this year, turns out Ladell Betts actually would have been a more beneficial pick there). Then he suffered a nasty knee injury that would lead to the rise of Brad Johnson in Minnesota. Oh yeah, then him and his boiz got all crunk on a boat and he was facing jail time. As many athletes do he got away clean but it did lead to three of the most unsuccessful stints in NFL history for three of the shittiest shit holes in NFL history. A bounce back project in Miami, a back up job to Jamarcus Russell in Oakland, and a spot on the roster of the only team to go completely defeated in Detriot. So Daunte, fuck you for that.
#3 Richie Incognito
Is there anything worse than a shit talking offensive lineman...probably...but still Richie Incognito is like one of those 80's stongman competition guys. He's not stong, he's just fat, you're not fooling anybody, stop trying. Incognito is the definition of "Douche Knocker" Don't ask what a douche knocker is. I don't know, but doesn't it seem to describe him perfectly. I mean just look at him. In 2009 he was voted Sports Illustrated's 7th dirtiest player. He was also voted Tony Koci's #1 fattest fuck that year. #2 was Ruben Studdard. Anyway, he lived up to his reputation raking in close to $100,000 in fines in 2009. His constant on field assaults included headbutts, low blows, chop blocks, and I'm just assuming this one, gnawing on players inner thighs while fighting for fumbles. Its not just his on field antics that I hate about him, did anybody notice that hes a grown man that refers to himself as "Richie". He should just refer to himself as Dick and save us all some time. Also he's from New Jersey.
#2 Terdell Sands
Now I'm not a superficial guy, oh wait, actually I am. Seriously though look at the mug on this mother fucker. Also after signing a 4 year 17 million dollar contract with the Raiders in 2009 he was released after he punched PUNTER Shane Lechler in the face. The fat probable closet homosexual pictured here makes a little over 4 million dollars a year. Let that sink in for a minute while you think about how much time you spend working hard to make rent money, and keeping yourself in shape, and making sure you at least make yourself slightly presentable when you go out in public. Oh yeah I forgot, he doesn't even play football anymore but the Raiders are contractually obligated to pay him millions.
#1 Tim Tebow
Many of you probably know Tebow as the goodest good guy in the whole town. Hahaha has he got you by the balls. A recent fictional study by me shows that Tebow will rape Elevndymillion children in the next fiscal year. Alright thats not at all factual, but the fact remains that he could fuck any woman on earth, but instead punishes himself for having thoughts about girls. He's simply a churchy, god fearing, ass hole. I'm sure quite some many unlucky freshman girls at Florida thought they were going to get a shot at banging the superstar college qb when they recieved invites to "parties" at his place, but it turns out a big night for Timmy T is a warm bath, a spirited game of Clue, and reruns of "Gary Unmarried".
